Emotional Intelligence in Conflict Resolution

by Robert Jerus… Self-awareness resolves primary-level conflicts. Lack of definition and focus result in interpersonal conflict. To create achievable priorities and objectives, inner resolution needs to establish what counts and to what degree. Priorities, values, wants and desires need to navigate past approach/approach; approach/avoidance; avoidance/approach; and avoidance/avoidance conflict. Moods and emotional triggers frequently set off conflicts. Anger and negative feelings can be initiated quickly when hot buttons set things off. While self-awareness deliberately created consciousness and focus on internal feelings, self-management handles our reactions and responses. Discipline and self-control are consciously aware of negative feelings and their quick response. These need to be forestalled or mitigated appropriately. They can and do create obstacles to personal and professional achievement. Self-management connects rational thought to emotional expression. Emotional self-management of conflict:

• Be conscious, deliberate and self aware. Understand the causes and effects of conflict. Know personal triggers.
• Have self-discipline, management and control. Assume personal responsibility to the ways conflict and confrontation are addressed. Make good choices.
• Master negative thoughts and feelings. Free floating hostility, revenge thinking, anger, depression and a variety of negatives release counter-productive feelings. Not only are these self-defeating, they are contagious. Negative emotions keep both sides away from positive answers.
• Have respect and constructive empathy. Start with the self. Determine to be the person you choose to be. Don’t let feelings take over. Have positive thoughts about others. They are not the enemies. They merely have a different point of view and/or set of interests. Understanding supports resolution.
• Nurture positive thoughts and emotions. Optimism, likability and warmth make it easier for others to agree with you. Think and act with a good-natured attitude and others tend to respond in kind. Think positive…. look for opportunities. Seek to learn and serve. The outcomes are more advantageous.
• Think abundance. Look for opportunities for everyone to gain. Win/win results are more acceptable to both sides. Consider possibilities and look for creative choices. Avoid thinking that looks for winners and losers.
• Have integrity and ethics. Operate with clear values and principles. Avoid games playing and be a trustworthy negotiator. Think long-term resolution and future relationships.
• Encourage everyone to think creatively. More possibilities and options set the stage for better answers. With positive feelings, it’s easier to communicate and take appropriate risks.
• Communicate constructively. Consider verbal and nonverbal signals (yours and theirs). Listen. Take in feedback. Be an active partner in information sharing and management.
• Build relationships. Use conflict and confrontation as learning experiences. Let them deepen connections and empower collaboration and connection in future dealings.

When applying emotional intelligence to conflict resolution, negative expressions and emotional hostility is managed. Stress and tensions are lowered. The potential for mutual gains and cost effective answers grows dramatically. What’s your experience? What are your thoughts?

Robert “Professor Bob” Jerus is the author of Mind Matters: Applying Emotional Intelligence for Personal and Professional Success and the developer of the Assessments 24×7 EIQ-2 Emotional Intelligence assessment. He is a frequent keynote speaker at public and private engagements. Professor Bob has taught business, psychology and adult development at the university level. As a consultant, coach and trainer, he has worked with Fortune 500 Organizations and aspiring entrepreneurs.