Posted 9 years ago
By Dr. Ivan Misner & Dr. Tony Alessandra. Compatibility, or the lack of it, is not such a mystery. Both rapport and tension at networking or referral events are rather predictable, once you know what to look for. Here is the basic principle: In social networking situations, like behavioral styles attract. People with similar interests and habits are drawn to one another as friends and acquaintances. There’s a sense of satisfaction in knowing you’re among people who prize what you prize, enjoy what you enjoy, play by roughly the same rules as you do. If you are a Steadiness (‘S’) Style or Conscientious (‘C’) Style, you are a more structured person who is not fond of surprises. Thus, you find stable, predictable relationships more satisfying. You get your needs met by being around those who won’t embarrass you by, say, showing up in a magenta sports coat, or asking deeply personal questions upon first meeting you. Alternatively, maybe you are a faster-paced, more outgoing person, a Dominance (‘D’) Style or Interactive (‘I’) Style who thinks life is too short to worry about whether your tires are properly inflated or your socks match your tie. Who the heck’s going to know or care 100 years from now, right?
THE BIG TEN–and How They Perform Socially at Networking or Referral Events So what happens when these sometimes-contradictory types get together? Well, the four basic behavioral styles mix and match into ten combinations. Behavioral science research shows clearly which combinations–prior to use of The Platinum Rule® (treating others as they want and need to be treated) – mesh or clash naturally. For starters, people with similar tendencies are most compatible with one another socially. That’s because those with common interests, habits, and approaches help reinforce each other’s self-esteem. So it won’t surprise you to learn that the most naturally compatible combinations in social situations are: ‘C’ Style-’C’ Style ‘S’ Style-’S’ Style ‘I’ Style-’I’ Style ‘D’ Styles also tend to flock to one another–at least for a while. But they possess such a strong competitiveness that even the ‘D’ Style-’D’ Style relationship isn’t quite as naturally harmonious as the others. That pairing does, however, show up under the Moderately Compatible category: ‘D’ Style-’D’ Style ‘S’ Style-’C’ Style ‘D’ Style-’I’ Style ‘I’ Style-’S’ Style Compatibility doesn’t come quite as naturally in these cases. But with effort, progress is possible. In fact, success in working with less compatible individuals can be an esteem builder in each case. ‘D’ Styles and ‘I’ Styles share an outward focus and often share similar interests. ‘S’ Styles and ‘C’ Styles, on the other hand, are both inward-oriented and may like the same kinds of activities. Both ‘I’ Styles and ‘S’ Styles aspire to be in a supportive relationship. Usually, though, it is the ‘S’ Style who is in the giving role and the ‘I’ Style who is the receiver. Meanwhile, the fast-paced, extroverted ‘D’ Styles and ‘I’ Styles commonly find it hard to develop rapport with the easygoing, quieter ‘S’ Styles and ‘C’ Styles, who are less decisive and enthusiastic. And the ‘S’ Styles and ‘C’ Styles, in turn, find the ‘D’ Styles less desirable because they’re too pushy, too loud, and often demand too much of them. Therefore, of all ten combinations, these three pairs are often the least naturally compatible socially: ‘D’ Style-’S’ Style ‘I’ Style-’C’ Style ‘D’ Style-’C’ Style To the ‘D’ Style and ‘I’ Style, the ‘C’ Style and ‘S’ Style can be drags. While ‘S’ Styles often resign themselves to tolerate the forwardness of ‘D’ Styles and ‘I’ Styles, the ‘C’ Styles frequently just prefer to be alone. The ‘C’ Style, in the eyes of the ‘D’ Style or ‘I’ Style, is not living as much as he is just serving time. On the positive side, though, there is a fascination factor with these three pairings, and bridges can be built. Given positive energy, the natural differences can fuel attraction, particularly when one style sees what it can learn from another. A ‘D’ Style, for example, may see how he can become more patient and responsive to others by taking a cue from an ‘S’ Style. An ‘S’ Style, meanwhile, may be able to draw on the ‘D’ Style’s strengths for taking charge and accepting risk. Similarly, a sensitive ‘I’ Style can see how she can learn discretion from the ‘C’ Style, and the ‘C’ Style perceives that she can become more relaxed and sociable by being around the ‘I’ Style. Perhaps the most difficult hurdles socially are posed by the ‘D’ Style-’C’ Style relationship. For it to work, both must yield their personal control needs, with the ‘D’ Style deciding to give the type of space the ‘C’ Style needs, and the ‘C’ Style learning to be much more direct and open about his concerns with the ‘D’ Style. However, do not give up yet on those whose DISC style may not be a perfect fit with the situation. With some effort at understanding and applying The Platinum Rule®, you can adapt your compatibility so that you can work successfully with anyone.
This article originally appeared: http://successnet.czcommunity.com